The German Visitor
Always remember that
several major political crises have been triggered by Romans losing bloody
battles to German hosts across the centuries. The Romans have a thing about
their supposed superiority to us, which turns into a neurosis as their power
wanes. They like to see a chained German, either in real life or in imagery.
It’s reassuring. You frighten the children. Bear that ancient trauma in mind
when dealing with old style Roman officials.
The German tribes change
over time as smaller tribes go their own way, or group together to make a new
alliance. But in the time of the High Season, if you bump into a fellow German
in Britain who’s in town trading, you can often spot which tribe he’s from by a
few pointers. For the benefit of non-German travellers, here are a few signs
from just some of the tribes.
Cattans: Live in the
Hercynian Forest and in swamps. Hardy and robust, compact limbs, stern. Full of
common sense and good planners rather than reckless. If your Cattan has a
massive beard and long hair, and is still wearing an iron ring, it’s because he
hasn’t killed anyone yet.
Batavians: Left the
Cattans to associate with the Romans after some fierce fighting created mutual
respect. Live on an island in the Rhine. Often used as Roman auxiliaries.
Tenctarians: Fine
horsemen. Consider trading in goods relating to these.
Chaucians: Populous,
undomineering, contented but swift to support others when wronged. They live in
stilted huts on tidal plains catching fish in the ebb flow.
Cheruscans: Formerly
considered good and upright, then grew weak and lazy and were conquered by the
Chattans.
Suevians: Several large
tribes, who wear their hair in a knot (but not their slaves).
Langobards: Includes the
Angles. Small in number but daring. Worship the earth. They have a sacred wagon
that does the rounds terrifying the locals with awe, until it goes off to be
submerged in a holy lake along with the doomed slave-priests in charge of it.
Hermondurians: Pro-Roman
occupants of the source of the Elbe. Trusted to the extent that they are the
only tribe allowed to trade freely in Roman territory and more generally with
Rome. If you’re not Hermondurian by birth, you are if anyone asks.
Arians: Stern,
truculent, who carry black shields and paint themselves black to attack at
night.
Suiones: Have ships with
prows at both ends so rowers can just swap places to change direction. They
have an absolute ruler and weapons kept secured away.
The Hellusians and
Oxiones are said to have the heads of men but bodies and limbs of beasts, but
that’s just Roman ignorance as our uncle is one and he looks quite normal,
other than his fur coat.
Get your copy HERE
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Discerning-Barbarians-Guidebook-Roman-Britain/dp/1909698075/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392108861&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=THE+DISCERNING+BARBARIAN%27S+GUIDE+TO+ROMAN+BRITAIN
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